What is the term for wanting or desiring something that someone else has?
Depending on the situation, it’s called either jealousy or envy.
Can anything positive be said about these two words? These two emotional reactions can cloud judgment, make people miserable, and inhibit blessings.
The Bible includes nothing good about either emotion. Jealousy and envy cause strife and create divisions in families and friendships. They water-down self-esteem and confidence, which affect personal goals and achievements.
Everyone has been jealous and envious at one time. Whether it was because of childhood pettiness or big-girl bouts, who hasn’t?
I confess; I have.
What about you?
It isn’t anything to be proud of. Saying that it’s human nature to be jealous or envious isn’t a “stand your ground” defense. There are no excuses. We are responsible for our emotional reactions and responses.
How do we guard against the harmful and divisive emotions of envy and jealousy?
Trust, being content, wishing everyone well, and accepting others help stymie the vices. But always be on the lookout. Envy and jealousy are victim-seekers, and no one is off-limits.
As a matter of fact, the green-eyed monster may have been summoned early on by parents.
What about when parents compare their children’s abilities?
Ronald makes As, but his sister, Karen, makes Bs. The parent tells Karen that she should be like Robert and make As too. After trying for several reporting periods, Karen starts resenting her brother.
In walk envy and jealousy.
Karen becomes jealous and envious of Ronald’s attention and success. Ronald’s As are always awesome. But by-and-by Karen’s Bs are below par.
Karen becomes envious of Ronald’s grades and jealous of his accolades.
Similar envies and jealousies occur in many adult relationships. The green-eyed monster and his fraternal twin are a force of nature to deal with. Envy and jealousy often travel together, but the two words aren’t synonymous.
In the past, when I thought I was jealous, I was actually envious. And when I felt envious, I was in effect jealous. Like me, many people tend to misuse the words. But both vices stem from self-centeredness.
And now to shed light on the confusion.
Both envy and jealousy are negatively-charged reactions. Envy deals with desiring a quality or thing that you lack that someone else has. Jealousy occurs when a relationship or possession is threatened by another person.
For a jealous person, three is a crowd or a third wheel.
There are jealous husbands, wives, friends, etc. Jealousy isn’t a fuzzy feeling. No one likes the fear of being undermined or replaced by someone else. And the same applies to relationships that might involve position, promotion, or power.
Although both are crippling emotions, I once thought that being envious was somehow better than being jealous. At the time, I felt jealousy was the worst of the two vulnerabilities or vices. Jealous people sometimes end up hating or hurting others. And jealousy breaks up friendships and families.
If you feel a hint of jealousy, listen to reason.
There is no reason to be jealous of a co-worker who gets a job due to the recommendation of a mutual friend. God blessed that person to get the job. Why be jealous of someone else’s blessings? Why resent someone for their success? Think about your blessings and be grateful.
This reasoning has helped me.
But more importantly, you must believe your blessing is on the way. No one can take what God has for you.
People say they are jealous of another person’s looks, personality, figure, or other qualities or features. These are actually envious reactions.
Envy manufactures resentment because of another person’s possessions or traits. The envious person may even feel inferior.
In the past, being envious simply meant desiring something someone else has.
So, what is the big deal about wanting a new car because a friend has one? Envying someone is kind of like wanting to be socially competitive. If they can achieve it, others can too. Envious people try to keep up with the Joneses.
But can someone be envious without begrudging another? Can someone be envious without being covetous? Begrudging others and being covetous are unsavory character traits.
Between envy and jealousy, which do you think is the least negative vice? Right, there is no such thing as a positive vice.
Things that create envy can also threaten relationships and create jealousy. Envy and jealousy together can be a dark and dangerous brew. Drink from neither cup.
Again, the Bible has nothing good to say about either emotion.
Proverbs 14:30 says, “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.”
I certainly prefer the “sound heart.” Don’t you?
James 4:5 asks the question, “Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, ‘The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?’”
There is nothing good about lust.
Both envy and jealousy can shipwreck families, friends, and dreams.
Compliment and celebrate other peoples’ talents and successes, and you will be blessed.
Remember, “Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter.” Unknown Author