It is human nature to want to belong to a group and not feel rejected and alone. Most of us can identify with the need to belong and have social ties. We crave social connections and acceptance. The extent to which people desire to be a part of a group determines whether they belong or are willing to fit in.
Trying to fit in usually means not being able to be oneself.
No one wants to be left outside the circle in a lonesome place. Some want to belong and be accepted as the unique individuals they are, yet others will try to fit in.
In one group experience, I quickly discovered that I didn’t fit in while sitting anxiously between several females in the back seat of a Chevrolet. We were cursing a neighborhood to find the nearest Saturday night party that summer day in college. I wasn’t a party animal like several others in the car. I realized the cost of fitting in was more than I was willing to pay. Sitting on the hump, I felt out of place. Cruising to find a party wasn’t my thing. I didn’t want to have to go along in order not to be alone. I didn’t blend in and match those around me. This was not my group.
There is a difference between fitting in and belonging. Many times, the difference may involve accepting a group mentality versus valuing one’s individuality.
How important are your individuality, perspectives, and opinions?
Changing one’s behaviors and perspectives to be accepted is a serious matter and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Changing one’s personality, likes, dislikes, and values to fit in or be accepted in a group is a dramatic undertaking.
Belonging to a group means being valued for being who you are without putting on airs or conforming to the group’s ideals, which may differ from your own.
People who are willing to fit in may feel insecure and need to be careful not to slip up and step outside the group’s norms.
Why cling to a group that restricts and constrains you?
Some people settle for such a group because it’s the only option versus being alone.
Before joining a group where you may not belong, the following are some things to consider.
Can you be you as a part of the group?
Can you opt out of stuff that you dislike or that goes against your values?
Will you feel inadequate and insecure?
What is the emotional impact of trying to fit in?
Are there enough common interests and values?
To fit in suggests conforming to an existing mold or preconceived ideals. Group members may be friendly, but can they become your friends? Friends are inviting and accepting of who we are.
Fitting in is like wearing shoes too small for one’s feet. Changing one’s personality to fit in is like stuffing one’s feet into a smaller shoe size. Let your personality breathe and be yourself by joining and belonging to the right group.
“Because true belonging only happens only when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” Brene’ Brown
Be well.