Some people want to be forgiven but don’t like to forgive. Holding on to hurt or disappointment puts up a fence with a no-trespassing sign for the offender.
I’m not saying it’s always easy to let bygones be bygones, but forgiveness is a healthier, more productive approach to a happier life.
Hurt feelings from mistakes, past wrongs, conflicts, and other offenses are normal human responses.
People not only isolate themselves from offenders; they also contrive conditions under which they will forgive. These conditions can be specific, rigid, and self-serving.
Maybe the offender must beg, promise not to do it again, pay for lunch, say pretty please, or do something else to be forgiven.
Whatever the case, mending fences between friends, family members, co-workers, acquaintances, even husband and wife can take time and require reassurances.
Forgiveness helps the offended move beyond hurt and resentment with a more positive outlook. Releasing what happened in the past helps to shape a more positive attitude and future.
What makes us susceptible to hurt? We have emotions and feelings. There is emotional pain as well as physical pain.
We don’t give others the right to hurt us, and they can’t take away our right to be angry or offended.
Why are you angry?
Unfortunately, there seem to be far more random acts of callousness than kindness.
Doesn’t the offended have a right to be angry?
“I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” is like the chicken-and-egg question. Which comes first, forgiveness or an apology?
People say it doesn’t cost anything to say, “I’m sorry.” In the same vein, it doesn’t cost anything to forgive.
Even if an apology never comes, one can still choose to forgive.
How do you define forgiveness? I define forgiveness as my decision to move forward without anger or resentment, reconciling with the offender.
Forgiveness is not sugarcoating the offense and its seriousness, denying one’s hurt, resentment, or pain. Many people believe that forgiveness doesn’t obligate one to continue the relationship or reconcile with the offender.
Some people may choose not to reconcile.
Neither the offended nor the offender can change the past or what happened. Getting caught in the spider web of the past makes it difficult to navigate the present.
The present lets us learn from the past and make better decisions today.
Today we can choose to:
Move on
Bury the hatchet
Forgive
Let it slide
Start fresh
Reconcile
Everyone is responsible for their actions. Forgiveness doesn’t release anyone from their accountability.
Forgiveness doesn’t make bad behavior good.
Christians know all about forgiveness because Christ forgives us with new blessings and mercies every day.
The following poem speaks about the benefits of forgiving.
Forgive Some, Today Forgive
Forgive someone. Today, forgive.
Turn from bitter to positive.
End frustration, anger, pain,
Wash the anguish from your brain.
No need to reconcile or tell;
Just feel better and get well.